Friday, January 22, 2010

MacBackstreet: A Tragic Tale of Murder, Corporate Witches, and Asian Boy Bands

(The following is the script of Macbeth / MacBackstreet adapted by Brian Hartenstein for his Taiwanese students)

Characters:
Mac-Backstreet:
AdenTsai
Beat Box Banquo: Jerry Line
King Duncan Doughnuts: Dave Lee
Malcolm Z: Jason Lee
Mac Daddy: Aimee Chen
Lady Mac Marilyn Gaga: Michael Yang
The Corporate Witches: Sandy Chang, Anne Liu, and Tiffany Wang
Narrator: Katie Huang
Music: Quintin Wang
Director: SarahHsiao
Soliloquies & Commercial Actors: YoYo Guo, Shantell Lin, Mary Chiang, and Sunny Lin

SCENE ONE:
Narrator:
Our play begins in a small, dark office in the basement of Inverness Castle’s Global Studios. Three Corporate Witches representing the World’s Biggest Companies meet to discuss the most popular TV show on the planet: Global Idol.
Enter the Three Corporate Witches who stand over a bubbling TV set.
Witch #1:
When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Witch #2:
When the hurly-burly’s done, when the next Global Idol has been won.
Witch #3:
But don’t you know? We pick the winner, not the people who choose.
Witch #1:
And the corporations that prosper and the fans who lose.
All Three:
(Sinister and hideous laughing… Ha! Ha! Ha!)
Witch#2:
And what can the Global Idol win?
Witch #3:
(Holds up a McDonalds Bag)
A contract to eat McDonalds…. (Speaking in a creepy pitchman’s
voice)
“Da Da Da Da Da… I’m loving it.”
Witch #1:
(Holds up a Yahoo icon)
A contract to use Yahoo. (Speaking in similar creepy voice)
“Yaaaaaahhooooooo!”
Witch #2:
(Holds up a 7-11 cup) And a contract to drink 7-11. (Sings slogan) “Always open, 7-11.”
All Three:
(More sinister laughing as they huddle together and exit stage.)

SCENE TWO:
Narrator:
Our scene shifts to a practice room at Global Studios. The Super Hot Boy Band MacBackstreet Junior is practicing for their upcoming appearance on the next Global Idol.

Enter Backstreet Junior Members: MacBackstreet, Beat Box Banquo, King Duncan Doughnuts, Malcolm Z, and Mac Daddy to Super Junior’s Sorry Sorry. They perform the dance briefly until music is cut. Then each member steps forward to introduce themselves.

King Duncan:
That’s right, I’m King Duncan Doughnuts. I’m King because I have the sweet corporate
sponsorship. (He points at his clothes labels) Exxon, Chevron, Ford, K-Swiss. (He pulls a Duncan Doughnut bag from behind his back) I even eat the doughnuts, man. (He angrily eats a doughnut and throws the bag away.) That’s why I’m the King!
Banquo:
(Pretending very badly to make a beat box by spitting in his hands) Yo! Yo! Yo! I’m Beat Box Banquo. (More beat box sound) Crack is Wack! Don’t take drugs!
MacDaddy:
Yo, check it! I’m MacDaddy and I’ve got more Shortys than white on rice… what?
Malcolm Z:
I’m Malcolm Z. I’m into politics and defeat of the white man. But what I really want is the
white man’s dollar. The greatest corporate sponsorship of them all… (Long pause…) Wal-Mart!
All:
(All members repeat slowly as if in a dream) Wal-Mart!
Macbeth:
I’m MacBackstreet. I’m the best singer and dancer in the group, but I don’t care about that. I
don’t even care if I win Global Idol. What I really want to do… is tell jokes. (He walks away sadly.)

Exit: All members of Backstreet Junior exit the stage except for Banquo and Macbeth.

SCENE THREE:
Banquo:
(Beat boxing)
Hey MacBackstreet, you look sad. Tell me one of your jokes.
Macbeth:
Okay. (He coughs) Why did the man freeze his money? (Pause) He wanted cold hard cash.
Banquo:
(Blows a raspberry into his beat box hands)

Macbeth:
(Determined)
Okay. What kind of bee makes milk? (Pause) A boobie!
Banquo:
(Shakes head and blows another raspberry)
Macbeth:
(Totally determined)
What do you call a man who was born in Italy, went to America, and
died in San Francisco? (Pause) Dead!
Banquo:
(Falls to the ground)

Macbeth:
What happened?
Banquo:
Your jokes killed me.
Narrator:
Suddenly, the Corporate Witches appear and address MacBackstreet.
Witch #1:
Hail to thee, MacBackstreet. You are the star of MacBackstreet Junior.
Macbeth:
(Looks unimpressed)
Uh… I knew that. Duh!
Witch #2:
Hail to thee, MacBackstreet. You will become the next face of Nike… (Shows him a Nike
Swoosh)
“Nike… Just Do It!”
Macbeth:
What? (Looks shocked) I didn’t know that. Tell me more.
Witch 3:
Hail to thee, MacBackstreet. You will become the next Global Idol…
(Shows him a Wal-Mart sign) “Wal-Mart.”
Macbeth:
(Looks hypnotized)
“Wal-Mart!”
Narrator:
Then suddenly, the Corporate Witches disappear.
Banquo:
Wow, what was that?
Macbeth:
Uh… nothing. (Looks paranoid) Come on Beat Box Banquo, I’ve got to get word to my Shorty, Lady Mac Marilyn Gaga.

SCENE FOUR:
Narrator:
Across town at Great Birnam hair and body wax, “Your woods is our business,” Lady Mac
Marilyn Gaga receives a text message about the possibility of all the corporate sponsorship her future husband could make.
Lady Mac:
Just imagine, my boyfriend, the next Global Idol winner? Oh, think what that could mean for
my career? TV News Anchor? “Fox News… Fair and Balanced!” Or maybe the picture perfect wife? Would you like some Maxwell House coffee? “It’s good to the last drop!”
Narrator:
Suddenly, Lady Mac Marilyn Gaga has a hideous and terrible idea.
Lady Mac:
I do?
Narrator:
Yes, you do. (Looks impatient)
Lady Mac:
(
Unsure at first, then gets it) Oh yeah. I must convince MacBackstreet to kill all the other
members in Backstreet Junior. Then he can be the star all alone. (She laughs like a monster) Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Narrator:
Okay, okay, that’s enough.
Lady Mac:
(Puts head down)
Ha!

SCENE FIVE:
Narrator:
Later, MacBackstreet arrives and Lady Mac Marilyn Gaga tells him her evil plan. At first,
MacBackstreet wants nothing to do with it, but then a messenger arrives carrying a package.

Messenger:
“UPS. What can Brown do for you?”
Macbeth:
(Macbackstreet opens it to see a Nike shoe)
It’s Nike! They want me to be their spokesman. The second prophecy has come true.
Lady Mac:
Don’t you see? You must kill them now. And you must start with the King Duncan.
Macbeth:
But how? (They both look around. Lady Mac shows a gun? Macbeth shakes his head. Lady Mac picks up a knife? Macbeth really shakes his head. Lady Mac picks up a baseball bat? Macbeth really, really shakes his head. They both looked confused.)
Narrator:

Psst! Give him the stinky tofu! (Whispers. And both Macbeths sneak in and put the stinky tofu in King Duncan’s bag of doughnuts and hide. Then King Duncan comes in. He eats a doughnut, and dies terribly.)

SCENE SIX:
Narrator:
A little while later… (The members of Backstreet Junior enter and see King Duncan dead)
Malcolm Z:
Oh no, we have a performance tonight.
Mac Daddy:
What do we do?
Macbeth:
(Enters wearing King Duncan’s crown.)
It’s okay… MacBackstreet is here. The show will go on. (They all exit)
Narrator:

That night, on Global Idol… (Soliloquy number one enters and stands in the middle of the stage)

Soliloquy #1: (Please note, this is actual text adapted for ESL learners)
If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well
It were done quickly: if the assassination
Could trammel up the consequence…then this blow
Might be the be-all and the end-all here…But in these cases
I still have judgment; I teach
Bloody instructions, which, being taught, return
To plague the inventor: Tears shall drown the wind. I have no spur
To prick the sides of my intent, but only
Vaulting ambition, which over leaps itself
And falls on the other, destroying me.

Narrator:
Okay… that was great! Now, we have Backstreet Junior. (Backstreet Junior enters to the song ‘Nobody But You’ and dances. It is very wild and crazy.) Okay, now people at home, it’s time for you to vote. (Pause) And tonight’s Global Idol winner is….After this commercial message.

Commercial:
(Two Women enter the stage in house dresses and rubber gloves looking very tired. They have been cleaning the house all day and are sad.
Then suddenly a magical brush appears before them.)
Woman #1:
Is this an all purpose cleaning brush I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch you.
Woman #2:
We have so many things to clean, the kitchen, the bathroom,
The icky black gunk that grows in the shower,
Woman #1:
The fuzzy green mold that lives in the fridge.
I have you not, and yet I see you still.
Narrator:
Got tough stains…? Try the All Purpose Cleaning Brush and wipe them away!
Woman #2:
(Totally Happy)
Out! Out! Damned Spot! Thank you Cleaning Brush! Sold exclusively
at Wall-Mart. (The two women exit)

Narrator:
And we’re back… (Pause) And tonight’s Global Idol Winner is… Backstreet Junior! (The boys all run onto the stage and celebrate.)
Macbeth:
(While they are jumping around MacBackstreet walks to the front of the stage)
Tonight was fun, but for me to become the real Idol Winner, I must kill Beat Box Banquo now. (He puts some stinky tofu in a surgical mask and puts it around Beat Box Banquo’s face. Banquo coughs and dies.)
Narrator:
Tune in next week for the final championship of Global Idol. Goodnight.

SCENE SEVEN:
Narrator:
That night, the remaining members of Backstreet Junior get together and discuss their
future.

Macbeth:
Lady Mac Marilyn Gaga and I want to thank you for coming, with just one more win, we can
become the next Global Idol.
Lady Mac:
Yes, you’re like the Energizer Bunny, “You keep Going… and Going... and Going.”
Narrator:
Just then Beat Box Banquo’s Ghost arrives. (Banquo arrives, takes off his surgical mask, and points at MacBackstreet.) Only MacBackstreet can see him.
Macbeth:
YOU! But You’re dead!
Lady Mac:
(Not paying attention) Next stop Disneyland, “The Happiest Place on Earth.”
Macbeth:
Beat Box Banqou, I had to do it. (Banquo crosses stage like a Zombie)
Lady Mac:
(Really not paying attention, holds up a beer can)
“Fosters… Australian for beer.”
Macbeth:
Somebody help me!
(Pause)
Malcom Z:

Yo! I think we need to break up the band.
Mac Daddy:
True dat! MacBackstreet is trippin’
Narrator:
And with that, Malcom Z and Mac Daddy quit Backstreet Junior and form a new band Color Me Timberlake.
(They exit.)
Lady Mac:
(Looking at MacBackstreet)
Southwest Airlines… “Want to get away?” (Exit)

SCENE EIGHT:
Narrator:

The next morning, MacBackstreet visits the three Corporate Witches to see if their prediction
is still true
. (He finds the three Witches standing over a black TV set)
All:
Double, Double, Toil and Trouble, Fire Burn, and Cauldron Bubble.
Witch #1:
Add a slice of Dominoes Pizza and Little Caesar’s too.
A dash of Shell Oil and a LEGO colored blue.
Witch #2:
A Coca-Cola can and a Sonic HedgeHog.
A McDonald’s French Fry and Apple iPod
Witch #3:
The Colonel’s Secret Recipe and cool Playboy Bunny
A Starbucks Macchiato in my tummy.
All:
Double, Double, Toil and Trouble, Fire Burn, and Cauldron Bubble.
(Enter MacBackstreet)
Macbeth:

Hey Witches, how goes your Global Domination?
All:
(They nod their heads, “Not bad,” “Yeah,” “Not as good as last year…”)
Macbeth:
What’s happening? Am I going crazy?
Witch #1:
(Pulls out McDonald’s Bag and looks inside)
You must beware of Mac Daddy!
Witch #2:
(Pulls out Benz hood ornament and takes bite) No man born of a woman can hurt you!
Witch #3:
(Pulls out 7-11 cup and takes drink) You will not be destroyed until the corporate logos walk.
Macbeth:
What?
All:
“Yep, that’s pretty much it…”
Macbeth:
Hey do you know why witches use brooms?”
All:
(Shake their heads. Don’t know)
Macbeth:

Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
All:
(No response. Total stone face.)
“Beat it, Backstreet.”

SCENE NINE:
Narrator:
MacBackstreet arrives back at Inverness Castle Studios just in time for the taping of the Final
Round Championship of Global Idol. He has stiff competition. In an unprecedented move, the judges have allowed the remaining members of Backstreet Junior’s new band, Color me Timberlake, to compete in a “Winner Take All” format. But first, a word from our sponsors.


Commercial:
(Same two women in house dresses appear looking bored and unhappy.)
Narrator:
Ever feel like Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to
day until the last syllable of recorded time?
Woman #1:
Oh yes! You said it. (Both women nod their head and agree.)
Narrator:
Ever feel like all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death?
Woman #2:
You know it. (Both women continue to nod heads and agree.)
Narrator:

Then try “Out, Out, Brief Candle” the aromatherapy candle set that is sure to take your
problems away. Just light these candles, slip into a warm bath, and let the soothing smells take you away to pleasure land.
(Two women come in and begin rubbing the shoulders of the housewives who suddenly begin smiling.) There you have it. Try “Out, Out, Brief Candle,” and wish your problems away.
Woman #1:
I used to think life was but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour
upon the stage and is heard no more.
Woman #2:
Me too. I used to think life was a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying
nothing, but then I got “Out, Out, Brief Candle.”
Both:
It will change your life!
Narrator:
Out, Out, Brief Candle is sold exclusively at Wall-Mart. (Pause while stage is cleared and dancers return. Enter MacBackstreet and Lady Mac Gaga, and
Malcolm Z and Mac Daddy. The two sides square off and go face to face.)

Lady Mac:
It’s time for you to show the world that you are the next Global Idol.
Macbeth:
But all I ever wanted to be was a comedian. That reminds me, why didn’t the skeleton go to
the party? (Pause) He didn’t have any-body to go with him.
Lady Mac:
Stick to dancing Backstreet. Okay, start the music!
(Music begins and MacBackstreet and Mac Daddy square off in classic dancing duel. The narrator begins calling out the different dances.)

Narrator:
Oh look, MacBackstreet is doing the Robot… Not to be outdone, Mac Daddy shows the
Running Man… Oh, no, not the Moonwalk…. Is that the Cabbage Patch? Oh wait, MacBackstreet looks tired. Mac Daddy is going in for the kill
. (Mac Daddy performs a serious of incredible dance movies including: The Ping-Pong, Milking the Cow, and the Lambada. MacBackstreet falls to the floor as Mac Daddy closes in on the final dance- the Worm.)
Macbeth:
Not the Worm!
Mac Daddy:
Say your prayers, MacBackstreet.
Macbeth:
(Jumps to his feet.) It is you that should be worried. I should fear no man unnaturally born to woman.
Mac Daddy:
But… (Looks worried) That’s my Daddy’s Baby’s Mama right there. (A Baby’s Mama stands up in the audience. Proudly played by Hartenstein. MacBackstreet serves up the stinky tofu and makes Mac Daddy eat it.)
Macbeth:
You’ve been served! (Mac Daddy dies) Ha! Now I am the King! And it’s mine! Wall-Mart is
mine!
Narrator:
Not so fast MacBackstreet.
Macbeth:
You?
Narrator:
That’s right. I see a new future for you, fading into obscurity with the Sanjayas and Ruben
Studdards of the world.
Macbeth:
Wait, you can’t defeat me. I can only be killed by someone not of woman born.
Narrator:
(Pause) Idiot! I’m a voice. Get him Logos!
Macbeth:
Oh, (Looking worried) That’s right. But still, I am the next Global Idol. I am King of the
World! (Suddenly all the Logos on stage come to life and begin walking toward MacBackstreet, making a circle around him and killing him.) But I am King of the World! Ahhhhh! (Last to jump on his is Wall-Mart.) Wall-Mart, nooooo! (He dies.)
Narrator:
Malcolm Z, please come forward. (Malcolm Z comes to the stage.) The people have voted, and you are the next Global Idol Winner.
Malcolm Z:
Yes!
Narrator:
And with that, peace was restored to Inverness Castle Studio. Evil was defeated. And the
music lived on. The End.
Lady Mac:
(Enters the stage) Wait, I am still here. I will be back and better than ever. Maybe next time
as a blond. Yes, that’s it. I’ll be famous. Famous, I tell you. You’ll never get rid of me. I’m here forever, like a Barbie...(She laughs crazily as the Corporate Witches run on stage and begin singing)
All:
"I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World, wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic. You can comb my hair, undress me eveywhere, life is plastic, it's fantastic."
Macbeth:
(Suddenly jumping to his feet and pumping his fist) Come on Barbie, let's go party.
Witches:
Ha. Ha. Ha. Yeah.

(Cue End Music. All students return to stage for final bows)

The End

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