Sunday, December 11, 2011

"Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted, with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea."

(The following drawing was sent by artist Raven Canoles, "just a doodle," she said, but it meant a great deal to me. Thank you, Raven)
There's this Costanza line from Seinfeld that I very mistakingly hold with too much sincerity... George has decided to do the opposite in life because, "if every instinct he had was wrong, the opposite would have to be right." (Yes, for years I've actually used this episode in class and basically have the whole thing memorized) But then the mighty Costanza says, "I was personable, I was bright..(Elaine shakes her head) Oh... not in an accademic sense, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone is uncomfortable at a party." -Seinfeld.
The part about someone else being "uncomfortable," man... I think way too much about that. The hurt feelings I caused without intent, the damage I've done without forethought... I've made a mess of things so many times. Why should I deserve anything good? Why does anyone?
The funny thing is, poetry comes to the rescue... I remember my Shakespeare, "Then in these thoughts, myself almost despising, happily I think on thee..." That's when it comes, right out of the blue... something sweet and wonderful happens that restores my faith. Someone sends me pictures from the red moon eclipse this morning over China at 3:40 in the morning, or another person sends me a song from a rock band in Indonesia or a neighbor brings over a crock pot full of chicken curry, and I remember that people are good, that our instincts are just fine the way they are, no matter what life throws at us.
So thank you friends for reaching out, I still reach out too, all the time... It's nice to know you haven't forgotten me. I haven't forgotten you.

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