Thursday, August 15, 2013

Flintstone Knows the Angles

Flintstone is thinking about a character in a book
Crime and Penalties
About some playa who can’t find bread so he offs this dude with an ax
Just finished it, don’t know why Flintstone can’t remember
Flintstone’s a big time reader
Yeah, Flintstone devours books, yo
What was his name?
 It’s 6:30 a.m.
Company bus through the desert
Burning sun rising
World passing in blurs
There is no way in hell I’m telling Flintstone the character’s name
 Flintstone turns to Mad Dog
Yeah, American education got it all wrong
What they should be doing is teaching kids how to make money
Talking all-mighty dollars
Talking Dead Presidents, yo
You feel me, Mad Dog
Talking about cake?
Mad Dog feels him
 When Flintstone talks no one can help but listen
When Flintstone talks his voice fills
Crack and Crevice
Of the bus
It bounces off the windows
It rises from the floors
I put on headphones
Pull on a hood
Sit next to the driver
Flintstone’s voice permeates my skull
Flintstone is slowly driving me
 Back home Flintstone is swimming in cake
That’s cause Flintstone plays the angles
You know the angles, Mad Dog?
Talking angles to money
Ain’t no Isosceles straight path to dollar bills-ville
Road to riches is crooked as a Jew’s purse
Flintstone adjusts his girth in the cramped seats
Flintstone plays all the angles, yo
Got a place in Vegas
You mean the strip?  Mad Dog asks
Nah, strips for suckers
Flintstone stays with his pops
It’s cool
Basement has a separate entrance fo' my ho's
Pops still trying to make it on disability checks
400 bucks a month
Can you believe it?
Who makes it on 400 bucks a month?
I couldn’t, Mad Dog says 
Bangkok Phil knows a stripper for less than 400
 See, that’s Flintstone’s point
That’s not Flintstone
Flintstone is ALL success no ed-u-ma-cation
Flintstone barely got out of high school and look at Flintstone now
Flintstone made 6 grand a month back home on ebay selling dirty rags
Playboys from the 60’s
Old man’s got hundreds of them
Really raunchy stuff, huh?  Bangkok Phil asks
Nah, more gentlemen mags
Sell ‘em  20 bucks a pop
Sell other stuff too
Go to garage sales and buy Pendleton shirts for 20 cents
Sell ‘em on ebay  50 bucks a go
Bought a pair of galoshes in Shreveport
Sold ‘em to a queer in Yonkers 200 clams
Stuff like that
Lot a cake, says Mad Dog
You ever hear the one about the contortionist in Shanghai who could eat cake out her own…
That’s a good one, Bangkok Phil 
She's a special girl
 Yeah, money is always rolling in
Flintstone buys whatever Flintstone wants
See a gun for a thousand bucks
Flintstone buys that gun
Got a Harley
Got a collection of Oakleys
Got some Mexican art
Got a Sea-Doo
Don’t buy that Japanese crap
Flintstone buys American
Used to buy old guns and restore them
Got a Colt
Got a Winchester
Flintstone makes his own parts
Restores the value
Mad Dog nods, he knows value
 But what Flintstone really is…
Is a history buff
Ever heard of Abraham Lincoln?
13th president of the United States?
Assassinated at the beginning of Civil War?
See, most people ASS-sume Lincoln was
Lincoln owned slaves
What he was…
Was anti-trust
Dude was a baller-pimp
Know the game Monopoly?
The board game? Mad Dog asks
It’s based on Lincoln
Lincoln knew that slavery gave the south an advantage over the north, see
When he tried to break it up
They blew out the back of his brains
I knew a girl in Kansas City could blow more than that, Bangkok Phil says
See, that’s what happens when you ASS-sume
Flintstone knows it’s a cold world, yo
The bus arrives at work and the teachers pile outside
Into the heat
Legs barely move
Back in knots
Head throbbing
Ears ringing
Yet here’s
Flintstone standing with his back to the wind
Flintstone lights up a smoke
Mad Dog cups his hands in front like a man praying
Time to teach
Angles, yo
Flintstone knows the angles

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